Today I received a minor outpatient surgery in which a hernia, a 1cm tear in my abdominal wall, was stitched up. I feel good, repaired, thankfully. Even minor abdominal surgery is apparently significant, though, so now I’m laid up for a few days, off work all week (!), and have been told not to lift just about anything—including my baby—for 2 weeks (!!).
Not working, not helping with almost anything in the house for several days, not carrying anything close to my own weight—these are some of the hardest things for me. And indeed, this is so for most people in our society, and especially for men. To be unproductive is considered practically criminal, to be weak a disgrace. Indeed, we relegate our “unproductive” members, especially our elders/olders, differently abled, and children, to all kinds of lowly status. To not be making or spending money in public, or making something of capital value, is in fact often literally criminal. All the more reason to practice random acts of invaluable uselessness, learning from our great teachers, the babies and grandparents.
And so what a powerfully challenging gift for me to now necessarily practice not producing. And when with my daughter, allowing my partner to be primary caretaker of both her and me, allowing myself to just be for a while. And to follow my daughter's model of precious uselessness. In fact, I can currently safely carry approximately about as much weight as my one-year-old.
I am in need, like a child: vulnerable, fragile, with a newly opened umbilical wound.
My primary responsibility now—the response I need to make to this situation—is to do as little as possible, to rest and heal. I can’t really “help” with the baby, except to be with her, on her level on the floor. Like water, we flow to the lowly places, we bubble about without direction.
Since this morning I have been contemplating wu wei—doing not-doing, effortless action—the ancient Taoist concept that wends its Way throughout the Tao Te Ching. May I begin to grow like my ever-learning daughter, who grows without strain, feeling it all intensely and then letting it all go, flowing as a fluid channel for life.
In these times of doing/producing with too much strain, which is driving our world to ruin, and which for me so often occurs in digital spaces of work, I am vowing now to regain balance with the physical. To pause more often and stretch and lie down, and dance, and do qi gong and other pleasurable exercises that will strengthen my core (physical for the hernia and back problems, and spirit/soul core as well). Another embodied prayer in the direction of better balancing work-play, digital-physical, activity-rest, and all the other yin-yang / chacha-warmi balances of the world, to be healed and in harmony for my daughter and all my relations. And to sit with, or lie down in, or dance with all my brokenness and fragility alongside that of this world’s.
From The Parents’ Tao Te Ching by William Martin, comes this beautiful interpretation of the original Lao Tzu text:
If you want your children to succeed,
show them how to fail.
If you want them to be happy,
show them how to be sad.
If you want them to be healthy,
show them how to be sick.
If you want them to have much,
show them how to enjoy little.
Parents who hide failure, deny loss,
and berate themselves for weakness,
have nothing to teach their children.
But parents who reveal themselves,
in all of their humanness…
…children look to these parents
and learn to love themselves
…
Wu Wei, in calligraphy, unknown author (can anyone read that stamp?) - photo from Buddha Dog
Not working, not helping with almost anything in the house for several days, not carrying anything close to my own weight—these are some of the hardest things for me. And indeed, this is so for most people in our society, and especially for men. To be unproductive is considered practically criminal, to be weak a disgrace. Indeed, we relegate our “unproductive” members, especially our elders/olders, differently abled, and children, to all kinds of lowly status. To not be making or spending money in public, or making something of capital value, is in fact often literally criminal. All the more reason to practice random acts of invaluable uselessness, learning from our great teachers, the babies and grandparents.
And so what a powerfully challenging gift for me to now necessarily practice not producing. And when with my daughter, allowing my partner to be primary caretaker of both her and me, allowing myself to just be for a while. And to follow my daughter's model of precious uselessness. In fact, I can currently safely carry approximately about as much weight as my one-year-old.
I am in need, like a child: vulnerable, fragile, with a newly opened umbilical wound.
My primary responsibility now—the response I need to make to this situation—is to do as little as possible, to rest and heal. I can’t really “help” with the baby, except to be with her, on her level on the floor. Like water, we flow to the lowly places, we bubble about without direction.
Since this morning I have been contemplating wu wei—doing not-doing, effortless action—the ancient Taoist concept that wends its Way throughout the Tao Te Ching. May I begin to grow like my ever-learning daughter, who grows without strain, feeling it all intensely and then letting it all go, flowing as a fluid channel for life.
In these times of doing/producing with too much strain, which is driving our world to ruin, and which for me so often occurs in digital spaces of work, I am vowing now to regain balance with the physical. To pause more often and stretch and lie down, and dance, and do qi gong and other pleasurable exercises that will strengthen my core (physical for the hernia and back problems, and spirit/soul core as well). Another embodied prayer in the direction of better balancing work-play, digital-physical, activity-rest, and all the other yin-yang / chacha-warmi balances of the world, to be healed and in harmony for my daughter and all my relations. And to sit with, or lie down in, or dance with all my brokenness and fragility alongside that of this world’s.
From The Parents’ Tao Te Ching by William Martin, comes this beautiful interpretation of the original Lao Tzu text:
If you want your children to succeed,
show them how to fail.
If you want them to be happy,
show them how to be sad.
If you want them to be healthy,
show them how to be sick.
If you want them to have much,
show them how to enjoy little.
Parents who hide failure, deny loss,
and berate themselves for weakness,
have nothing to teach their children.
But parents who reveal themselves,
in all of their humanness…
…children look to these parents
and learn to love themselves
…
Wu Wei, in calligraphy, unknown author (can anyone read that stamp?) - photo from Buddha Dog
